kitandkat.com

Dear Kit,

It occurs to me that we have some basic behaviors that figure in an important way in our relating.

We seem to both have a great respect for the sacrosanct nature of each and every personality. We are not trying to change each other, we are not judging each other, we are not trying to tell each other what to do, or how to behave. In fact, that is so far from how we are with each other, so foreign to how we are with each other, that I must conclude that this is integral to our loving and conflict free relationship. We do not do this with others either.

I am not sure where this attitude originates with each of us. Is it a choice we have made, or is it a way that we are?

I am reminded of something from The Urantia Book. “Make less plans for other personalities”. This seems like such a simple statement and yet, it holds the key to a whole way of loving and being loved!

There are some great quotes from Deepak Chopra that you have been reading me, that I would include here too. He talks of surrender to the union self, to the we of you and I. This is not so much a giving up of self, as it is moving the center of gravity to the us. Does this play a role in our peaceful and passionate co-existence?

I love examining these things with you.

love Kat

Digg this

Dearest,

I’ve been wanting to write about our recent conversations of being in the present and how one gets there. You and I seem to come to the present through joy. We feel so free and natural with each other, that we come with ease fully into the present.

Often people are brought to an appreciation of the present moments through loss; something shocking happens, someone gets terribly ill suddenly, or we experience sudden and unexpected loss. This makes one appreciate the little things, to be aware of what is actually around, to be in the present.

One can achieve just such a sharp focus experience of reality through joy and celebration. We do.

I believe it could change the world if people would find ways to live with awareness, appreciation and gratefulness of that which is, from moment to moment. I do not need to lose you, or us, or our life, to love and appreciate the moments we get to share. Let us find our way to celebrate through joy!

Kat

Digg this

We talk with each other all the time about everything.

We have always talked and shared our thoughts and our feelings. This has been for us a very natural and easy way to be together.  I think this flow of communication that we share so lightly is actually a very important component in our union.

Your interest in communicating and in knowing and understanding me and our experiences together, has always deeply attracted me to  you. Your ability to listen, as well as to express your thoughts and feelings, endears you to my heart.

Being with you is such a sweet pleasure!

Digg this

Dear Kit,

I really enjoy picking out flowers and bringing them to you. I love receiving the wonderful cards you find for me and the loving things you write on them about me and about us.

I’ve been thinking about all the things, big and small, that we do for each other. I’m not talking about the everyday life things (all of which are also so lovely), but of the special little acts we share that celebrate each other and our life together.

I’m not sure if being so present with each other makes  every moment a celebration, or if remembering to celebrate each other helps us to remain in the present. Either way, I think it is often the little things that make it all work so well.

We don’t seem to ever fall into taking our life together or each other fcr granted. We each feel stunned by how good it always is, and we each feel moved to find ways to celebrate and to acknowledge the ‘us’ and the other.

So I say to you and everyone else, never forget to celebrate, never take each other for granted.  This experience is after all one of grace, and you could walk right past it if  you’re not paying attention!

Digg this

It has been awhile  since we’ve written. With the trauma of the fires finally subsiding now, I find myself missing our notes back and forth.

Let’s begin anew to write of our special relationship and search for words to communicate about it;  to find ways to offer the experience to others as well.

It has been almost half a year now that we have been sharing our evenings, nights and mornings, sleeping at Victoria house. I am amazed at what a profound difference it has made. I am astounded that we have grown so much closer, when I felt we couldn’t possibly be any closer than we were. I love your flexible style of living together, your willingness to experiment, your openness to change. Perhaps it is easy for both of us to be open to new growth and new ways, because we have such a solid core between us, one which is absolutely unchanging, plugged into the eternal and exuding gentle permanence.

We have been moving, be it ever so slowly, toward that place we envision where we have more time to step into that wonderful space we create together. I love the weekends as we have been living them in the last 6 weeks or so. We have been plugged into the world of family, friends and community, to our work and progress, and at the same time we have set aside that precious time to be with each other and to honor our wonderful union. I rejoice at this progress and am so pleased to feel us moving ever steadily in that direction.

…and I am so thrilled to be back to writing to each other!

with love

Kat

Digg this

Hi Kit,

I can’t say that I have the same response to the word commitment. I think this is probably a gender issue. I don’t really see the difference in The 100% Factor that you are making. 100% accepting refers to being accepted and giving acceptance. What is the difference in the commitment issue?

As you know, I really rarely see the negative side of an issue, so I’m less involved in what to avoid, than I am in how to describe what we mean.

I think when people invest words with charge, they are actually eliminating some aspect of the ability to be in the present, and be with what actually is. When you have areas that are filled with previous charge, you bring along  mind stuff which will lead you to imbue the present with something other than what is there.

love Kat

Digg this

We have coined a phrase recently that I think includes many of the aspects of our togetherness that we would like to share and offer others seeking to have harmonious and joyful relationships.

The 100% factor alludes to the element of being together that enables total freedom from  the need to withdraw and to defend, and consequently to separate. The importance of 100% cannot be underestimated. 100% is nothing like 99.999%. Anything less than 100% offers measurement, division, in and out,  good and bad.

I always love your example of a dance floor. If you know that there is nothing on the dance floor, no tacks or other dangerous items, you can be free to dance about, flying freely through the air, unmindful of where you come down. As soon as you introduce one thumbtack onto the floor somewhere, you are no longer free to leap and prance freely. You must always be careful you don’t come down on the thumbtack and injure yourself. It is the same in relationships.  If you have 99.99%, you know you may still sometime come down on the thumbtack. This very knowledge inhibits you all the time , even if its just a little bit.

This is the same within relationships. The more thumbtacks that appear in the exchange, the more you must be careful, defended, withdrawn, on alert. Once you pass the threshold of 100%, there is peace and joy and no busyness in the mind about whether you are in or out, or whether the person is right or wrong, or needs changing or adjusting. You accept yourself and the other and go forward in the freedom that this way of being brings.

This is not a process. It is a transformation. You either move into 100% or you don’t.This way of being does not take work. In fact, it is quite effortless. You don’t work on it, you just do it.

We have found that when we come togther we are fully present, not experiencing the other through our preconceptions, rules and ideas, images of what should be or could be. We are there in comfort with ourselves and joyfulness in the other. We are not trying to make the other anything other than what they are, but rather rejoicing in what and who they are as it unfolds. There is a desire to share that which is;  joy, beauty,  goodness for example. There is no desire to make a point, to be ‘right’, to remake the other.

There is no identity mix-up. Oftimes when people are coupled, they confuse their identity with the other. They think the other person is supposed to say what they would say and think what they would think, because the identities are merged. Union sometimes brings this misunderstood or misplaced identity fusion.  Functioning as two distinctly separate individuals, gives freedom to merge and truly experience union. Functioning as two individuals who are united with The 100% Factor, creates a joy which surpases understanding!

Digg this

My Dear Kit,

At the same time we were having our talks this weekend, I was sharing with Catherine over things happening in her relationship.

She had come to the same conclusion we had. The specifics of a particular situation are not what is important.  Rather it is the meaning and value that are of consequence.  She added humor and kindness to that list.

We also talked about the issue of lists and list making. It seems we all have our lists, things we note about another person, things we’ve been right about, where unfairness or injustice have taken place, or where we haven’t been acknowledged or … all the big and small transgressions.

We may not even be aware that we have these lists. However, in the moment when we are faced with something negative about ourselves, criticism or someone else’s list, our list comes popping up full of things and ready to go!

The moral? Lists never do anything but bring forth other lists. List making is to be avoided. Let the lists and the specifics go. Look for harmony, truth, beauty and goodness. We can develop our attraction to that which is Real, of meaning and value. The rest are merely creations of the mind. If we are not attracted to discord and disharmony, we won’t give life to those parts within us. It can be as easy as developing your appetite, your attraction.

Love Kat

Digg this

I’m still very wrapped up in that conversation we had over the weekend.

In one of our explorations of  us, with an eye toward sharing with others, we were looking at what normally causes discord and disharmony between couples. At the same time, we looked at what we do instead, as neither of us is attracted to d or d.

The specifics are rarely important to us. Therefore, neither of us is attached to specific outcomes. We do seem to have a lovely flowing dance by which we come to decisions, make plans and act together. Lack of attachment seems to be part of the entrance ticket to this altered state of union we experience;  lack of attachment to the specifics, to being right, or to having the present altered by a predetermined image.

What is clearly very important to us is meaning and value, truth, beauty, goodness and love. As we are in harmony in these areas, we find our way through all the specifics without attachment, with joy and lightness!

Digg this

We have these wonderful long sessions of talking, mostly while lying together. We achieve such a closeness that it feels above the regular level of human contact. We seem to enter another realm where time is altered. It is much the same as places we travel together to or states of being we achieve, when we are sexual.

These long talking experiences create a deep feeling of connectedness. We find ever deepening pathways of discussion and seem to be able to flow from one to the the other without boundaries or separation.

The time factor is almost startling. We can feel like long periods of time have gone by and find that on the clock it has been very short. Or we can float in this ecstatic exchange with no feeling of time passing at all.

These experiences are blissful. They are filled with a sense of peace and well being. The sense of being merged with another is so basic. It feels like we are experiencing something that is very real, that could be there in life on an ongoing basis.

How do we find the way to share about this and bring it more into existence? It is the question that comes up right after an enlightenment intensive. How do we bring it into everyday life?

We seem to have found a way to live on a daily basis with this between us as a very real experience, one of no conflict and much joy.

How do we spread this in our lives and to others?

Digg this