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I have been thinking about what real fun it is to do the N.Y. Times crossword puzzle with you together.

It is a great example of how wonderfully different we are and how well that fits and works together.

We seem to get entirely different parts of the puzzle. Each of us seems to see different things and get the answers to different clues. Together we finish the whole puzzle smoothly and seem to get even the complex ones when we work together.

We do the puzzles the same way we do many things together. Each as a different being, and yet fitting together into some wonderful whole together!

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Sunday when we went up to the mountains to play in the wildflowers, I felt so filled with joy and peace. There is something so special about our drives into nature. We move quietly, companionably silent or having wonderful discussions about all that is important to us.

We fit so well in a natural environment. It seems to be part of what we are.

Also, the driving in the open convertible seems to bring it all around us so close.

I love that we go so deep, whether we are plotting out our lives, or not talking at all.

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My Sweet Kit,

I feel so very blessed to be in this wonderful relationship. Yesterday I brought you roses. I want to shower you with flowers and gifts. I so appreciate how present you are with all of you, available to me in every way all the time.

You mentioned fears you had, caused by previous experiences in other relationships. You thought you had been unavailable and wrapped up in work. I did not experience you that way at all. I do not feel that  you are ever unavailable. You have let me know in words and in deeds that if something is important to me, you will be right there with me. If I needed you for something, you would put everything aside to be there for me. You would not think twice. I know this is real. I feel the same way.

We do not need to prove to each other that we don’t forget the other. We do not need to make shows of not being involved in our work or our lives. We both know the importance of the other to our life. We experience the inside of each other all the time when we merge. There is no questioning in that place. All is clear.

Yours, Kat

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We’ve been trying to break down some of the qualities that seem so important to how we are with each other.
One factor that seems critical is not only accepting the other person for who they are, but also celebrating with joy who they are, feeling a deep abiding affection and respect for the other.
At the same time, it is important not to get confused and think that your identity has merged with the other. We seem to keep our separate identities, while merging into something else as well. When you’re not trying to change the other person, you don’t seem to run into so many of the difficulties that bring conflict and distance between two people. So how does one find a balance of not trying to change each other, while at the same time being open to help and support each other to actualize ourselves fully?
I think part of this paradox could be held within not thinking you know better for your partner what is right, or best for them. Maybe by not separating yourself from your partner, by not thinking from separation of higher or smarter or better or more fully knowing what right action is, you can instead actually experience the joy of another viewpoint, the discovery of other ways to see and think of things. This difference of identity has to at the same time hold consonance of the basics. You have to feel connected and in accord, to fully appreciate difference and not want to make it the same as you.

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When we talk about finding a language, of developing the words to speak of our expereince, neither of us has any doubt that we mean, that we experience the same thing. We search for ways to communicate about it. We talk about it and write about it. We know that we have the same experience. There’s not the slightest doubt about it.

Actually, that is in and of itself rather remarkable. How can something so elusive be so definite for us, so clear? And yet it is, unshakeably, most certainly clear. We both experience the same thing without giving up anything from our separate individualities.

This union is so solid, so strong, so fully present. It is unmistakable.

This union is so soft, so gentle, so firm.

So mutual.

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I’m glad we’ve found another word to add to our descriptors. Last night as we were talking, we came up with balance as a common denominator of our togetherness. I want to explore further this experience of balance as it expresses itself through us and our interactions. For the kind of sharing that we have, there has to be balance, in all its forms.

We also talked about how being mutually present translates to co-creating. When we are both present together, union and presence, then something new comes into existence that never was before. And it happens each and every time. That is why we feel our experiences together are always better, although at the same time they feel as though they are as good as it possibly can get!

Presence, Balance, Co-Creation, Union…

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We seem to be able to go from the lightest touch to full-blown union in a matter of time that is so infinitesimal, it is not really measured by sequence at all.

I was noticing last night as we began to make love, that we barely touched and then we transported (in an almost ‘beam me up Scottie’ way) to outer space. The night before, I felt like I opened some non-physical eyes and looked around. I saw stars or pinpoints of light, and we seemed to be out there among them, somewhere near the outer regions. This we I just referred to is another beingness that is connected physically, mentally and in spirit. Time is different, and so is space. It is not that there is no sense of time. It is more like time is accelerated to 3 or 4 times its normal experience. I can feel certain points on my body distinctly. At the same time, I feel that most of us has melted together in some way. I can think thoughts in my own individual mind, but there is a place where we are together in the mind circuitry. The mutual spirit song is something I haven’t yet explored, except that I sense it is there to be explored.

This all feels so wonderful and mysterious, but also very real. It is a bonding and strengthening event. I believe it rides underneath everything else we do and feel.

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Dear Kit,

There seems to be something very important about not being busy with or involved in wanting your partner to be anything other than who and what they are. If you can actually be with another person, without wanting them to change, or being busy in anyway to alter them, then amazing things become possible.

For this magic to work, you have to actually be suited to the other. There has to be a match, a balance of energy between you.  At the same time, there is a joy of being with someone who is innately different than you. Who is not you, but another.

I love experiencing who you are and how you interact with the world. I so enjoy the way you take pleasure in who I am, and I do have the feeling you truly see me for who I am.

I am enjoying living together so much. Our wonderful homey mornings and our sweet often luscious evenings and afternoons.

I want to start working together again. I really like how we are when we work together and I miss it.

Kat

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Beloved Kit,

I am so happy with you, so happy with us. We are like all the fabulous images of wizards and priestesses, of heroes and heroines, and yet we are so very much more. Love is a wonderful and amazing state of being. We are walking in love. We generate peace, as we come together and as we move about.

Our union generates a state of bliss, while at the same time it is also so sizzling sexy, so hot, so vital.

The Couples Project

Let’s begin to have a dialogue here about this wonderful project.

I feel  we should basically be about it. We can perfect it as we go along. Let’s start experimenting with the video when we are having coffee or sitting around talking. I think we should figure out the tripod and start seeing what comes out and how we can use the video to record.

We don’t have to look for photos to play back, maybe not at this stage, although very rough is also interesting. It would be nice to document this from the beginning. We could video us talking about the couples project for a start, and formulate it as we go along.

This will be great fun!!

Kat

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Dear Kit,

I’m still looking for words to describe our experience together. I like finding words to talk about it. I like sharing our words and developing together what comes out. I find by speaking of it together, I seem to find aspects of our union that I can better understand or further examine.

I don’t yet feel there are finished principals I would list, or that I want to reduce or limit this exploration to what has so far been described.

I feel a lot of what happens is just that, something special and almost magical that happens. It is not something we do, although it is made up of parts that we do.

These things seem less like doing and more like being.

You mentioned making no demands. That is a description of not doing something. I don’t have the feeling generally of avoiding doing something. There is an experience that for you is described by making no demands. I look there and I see me sitting comfortably inside my center. I take pleasure in you sitting right in your center. I don’t wish to make you me. I rejoice in who and what you are, which is not me. I don’t want to change you or your actions.

Be Present. We talk often of this amazing quality we experience together of being in the present..of being in presence. We seem to both have brought this skill with us from before. When we come together we are so completely together because we are both fully there. How would we pass this on?

Speak the truth. Yes, we are fully able to do that with each other. There are no horrible surprises or betrayals. Nothing we are going to reveal to each other is going to cause withdrawal of the other.

Ah, there is a whole area of us that seems to be very critical…our constancy, our feeling of the eternal, our commitment to each other. How did we get that? We need to look further at this element of us. Then there’s also the coutnerpart to that, the 100% factor. I love your description of the floor which is either free of thumb tacks or the one that only has a few. Can you dance freely and safely on the one with only a few thumb tacks?

We have so much to explore and describe.

Kat

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