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Apr 30
My Dear Kit,
At the same time we were having our talks this weekend, I was sharing with Catherine over things happening in her relationship.
She had come to the same conclusion we had. The specifics of a particular situation are not what is important. Rather it is the meaning and value that are of consequence. She added humor and kindness to that list.
We also talked about the issue of lists and list making. It seems we all have our lists, things we note about another person, things we’ve been right about, where unfairness or injustice have taken place, or where we haven’t been acknowledged or … all the big and small transgressions.
We may not even be aware that we have these lists. However, in the moment when we are faced with something negative about ourselves, criticism or someone else’s list, our list comes popping up full of things and ready to go!
The moral? Lists never do anything but bring forth other lists. List making is to be avoided. Let the lists and the specifics go. Look for harmony, truth, beauty and goodness. We can develop our attraction to that which is Real, of meaning and value. The rest are merely creations of the mind. If we are not attracted to discord and disharmony, we won’t give life to those parts within us. It can be as easy as developing your appetite, your attraction.
Love Kat
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Apr 29
My Dear Kat,
Last night, when we came together, we once more embarked on that extraordinary sexual journey.
We go into a place of sexual ecstasy that seems independent of what we are actually doing physically; we can arrive there by lying, touching, holding, kissing, and it seems we can remain in that state indefinitely, or at least until we collapse, totally sated.
But here’s the peculiar aspect of it: that it has its own unique quality; it is different every time we’ve made love, and this happens again and again; it is as if there is a huge space there to explore, and each time, we start off with the knowledge of our previous experience.
This may not qualify as erotic writing; there are no bodily fluids, no licking or sucking or stroking or moaning, but it seems appropriate because what we share seems to transcend the simply sexual. Calling it that doesn’t begin to capture the experience, and though I struggle for descriptions, it is so far beyond words that afterwards, the details are lost to my verbal brain, like a dream that vaporises in the morning. But my body knows and remembers.
Kit
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Apr 28
I’m still very wrapped up in that conversation we had over the weekend.
In one of our explorations of us, with an eye toward sharing with others, we were looking at what normally causes discord and disharmony between couples. At the same time, we looked at what we do instead, as neither of us is attracted to d or d.
The specifics are rarely important to us. Therefore, neither of us is attached to specific outcomes. We do seem to have a lovely flowing dance by which we come to decisions, make plans and act together. Lack of attachment seems to be part of the entrance ticket to this altered state of union we experience; lack of attachment to the specifics, to being right, or to having the present altered by a predetermined image.
What is clearly very important to us is meaning and value, truth, beauty, goodness and love. As we are in harmony in these areas, we find our way through all the specifics without attachment, with joy and lightness!
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Apr 25
My Dear Kat,
We talked yesterday morning and night about our agreement on things both big and small; whether it’s making love or watching a movie, going for a drive or separating and working, we reach a mutual decision without effort. This happens so regularly that it is a statistical impossibility that we should always want the same things. What must be happening is that we weigh the importance to ourselves against the importance to the other person and just flow with that, but it happens so naturally and rapidly that we do not notice it. This sounds like Choice blindness in action.
But how, exactly, are we able to do this when other people can’t? It does feel like it is a conscious action in some way. I don’t say that other people are intentionally choosing to disagree, but there must be some pay-off for them; the situation of pain or anger must be, at some level, comfortable and familiar. So I think the process must be one of seeing that fact, and choosing not to go there.
Another way of phrasing it is to say that neither of us are attached to particular outcomes; there are no sticking points, no areas of friction. This, of course, is Buddhist non-attachment.
Kit
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Apr 22
We have these wonderful long sessions of talking, mostly while lying together. We achieve such a closeness that it feels above the regular level of human contact. We seem to enter another realm where time is altered. It is much the same as places we travel together to or states of being we achieve, when we are sexual.
These long talking experiences create a deep feeling of connectedness. We find ever deepening pathways of discussion and seem to be able to flow from one to the the other without boundaries or separation.
The time factor is almost startling. We can feel like long periods of time have gone by and find that on the clock it has been very short. Or we can float in this ecstatic exchange with no feeling of time passing at all.
These experiences are blissful. They are filled with a sense of peace and well being. The sense of being merged with another is so basic. It feels like we are experiencing something that is very real, that could be there in life on an ongoing basis.
How do we find the way to share about this and bring it more into existence? It is the question that comes up right after an enlightenment intensive. How do we bring it into everyday life?
We seem to have found a way to live on a daily basis with this between us as a very real experience, one of no conflict and much joy.
How do we spread this in our lives and to others?
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Apr 16
My Dear Kat,
This morning we covered so much ground.
- The importance of touch.
- The possibiity of talking instead of being sexual.
- What would happen if we talked for 6 hours?
- Accepting the other rather than reacting.
The subject of touch is interesting. I hypothesise that people communicate through touch, whether galvanic, chemical, physiological, thermal or otherwise, and that it is understood by some non-verbal part of ourselves. I wonder how it would affect people having an argument if they were to remain in physical contact during it? If you had an urge to withdraw or flee, that would be really hard, but it would bring the underlying issues right into focus.
That’s all cerebral guesswork, so let me counter it by saying how much I love being in physical contact with you. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but to lie in bed with you, touching from shoulder to foot as we talk (or not) is a wonderful comfort.
That makes it sound like an infantile regression, but it doesn’t feel like it. Instead, it feels like a natural way of being that is lost in every-day life (or my male everyday life, at least), but just happened spontaneously for us from very early days.
The, of course, there’s the actual sleeping together. We lie in contact the entire night! I don’t think that happened ever before for me.
Lastly, we’ve observed that a number of other couples who are at peace with each other hold hands or make contact some other way.
Kit
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Apr 14
I have been thinking about what real fun it is to do the N.Y. Times crossword puzzle with you together.
It is a great example of how wonderfully different we are and how well that fits and works together.
We seem to get entirely different parts of the puzzle. Each of us seems to see different things and get the answers to different clues. Together we finish the whole puzzle smoothly and seem to get even the complex ones when we work together.
We do the puzzles the same way we do many things together. Each as a different being, and yet fitting together into some wonderful whole together!
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Apr 14
Sunday when we went up to the mountains to play in the wildflowers, I felt so filled with joy and peace. There is something so special about our drives into nature. We move quietly, companionably silent or having wonderful discussions about all that is important to us.
We fit so well in a natural environment. It seems to be part of what we are.
Also, the driving in the open convertible seems to bring it all around us so close.
I love that we go so deep, whether we are plotting out our lives, or not talking at all.
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Apr 10
My Dear Kat,
I feel so graced by being with you. I feel as if I float through the world. I feel that nothing is too difficult or overwhelming because there, behind it, is you and I.
Are you fulfilling some lost parental fantasy for me? No, it’s not a sense of security, at least not in the “I’ll be taken care of” mold. It is that I am added to, as opposed to being completed. I just love how we operate together; it is so easy, so smooth, and it’s aways like this, which I continue to find very strange, unusual, mysterious and delightful. Yes, after all this time.
There. Nothing profound to say, no great insights into how we are, only the joy of our worlds over-lapping.
XX Kit
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Apr 09
My Sweet Kit,
I feel so very blessed to be in this wonderful relationship. Yesterday I brought you roses. I want to shower you with flowers and gifts. I so appreciate how present you are with all of you, available to me in every way all the time.
You mentioned fears you had, caused by previous experiences in other relationships. You thought you had been unavailable and wrapped up in work. I did not experience you that way at all. I do not feel that you are ever unavailable. You have let me know in words and in deeds that if something is important to me, you will be right there with me. If I needed you for something, you would put everything aside to be there for me. You would not think twice. I know this is real. I feel the same way.
We do not need to prove to each other that we don’t forget the other. We do not need to make shows of not being involved in our work or our lives. We both know the importance of the other to our life. We experience the inside of each other all the time when we merge. There is no questioning in that place. All is clear.
Yours, Kat
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