This factor of not needing to be right is indeed one of the major things that makes it work for us, but it’s still hard to dissect. I can think of two factors; one is that you don’t do stupid or annoying things, so I don’t have to try and change your behavior. The second is that you, in turn, don’t try to control me, which is wonderfully liberating, but also stops any need for me to defend myself by counter-attacking with the same accusations because you’ve pushed my hypocrisy button.
So does that mean we’re both perfect? That seems unlikely to me. More probable is that we have a higher tolerance level, or to put it another way, other people have a lower tolerance level. So what’s that about? Well, neither of us are locked into things having to be a certain way; for example, last time we were away, we slept on opposite sides of the bed from usual. How do we do this? It’s not as if we drift through life in a zombied state, having no preferences at all; we do, but either our preferences coincide, or else we’re not so attached to them, because there are other choices that would work, so it’s easy to find something that’s mutually acceptable. In the event that one of us has a strong desire, the other is happy to go with that; there is, after all, a distinct pleasure in seeing the happiness of the other.
And there we have it. We’ve never reached a point where the two of us have strong and opposing desires, and though I can dream up dark scenarios, I can also imagine ways past them. The bottom line is that neither of us see any benefit in conflict; it’s a waste of energy, it leaves damage that can take a long time to heal, if ever, and it has to be resolved eventually by putting one’s soul on the line, so why not start there?
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