You use that wonderful metaphor of a thumbtack on the dance-floor, and how inhibiting even one can be. I want to expand on that a little. We’ve talked about this as 100% acceptance, and how different that is from 99%. It’s not just 1% better; there is a qualitative difference to it. I can be myself without any little voice inside checking what I say and what I do. I can admire other women. I can say I want to work late. I can wear the same jeans all week. It’s not that I am oblivious to your needs, for I enjoy doing things that bring you pleasure, but they never turn into expectations.
It is so liberating to have the space to be myself. In other relationships, after a while I found myself to be partially missing, as if small chips of myself had been destroyed over time, and I had to leave to experience my self again. I didn’t see it in those terms so much at the time; it was more the experience of being in a cage and needing to roam free. I interpreted that (or my partners did for me) as a resistance to commitment, but now I am not so sure of that interpretation.
I don’t have any of that with you. This is amazing to me, and I still cannot decide, after all this time together, how this has come to pass. I do know that an essential part of it is the total freedom that you grant me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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